


Stuck

by Ninjabunny99



Category: Druck | SKAM (Germany)
Genre: David Shreibner Loves Matteo Florenzi, Depression, M/M, Matteo Florenzi Loves David Schreibner, Mild Hurt/Comfort, continuing my headcanon that matteo has adhd and mild depression, david is supportive
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-17
Updated: 2019-08-17
Packaged: 2020-09-05 18:42:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,454
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20277991
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ninjabunny99/pseuds/Ninjabunny99
Summary: Matteo needed to get up. He knew he needed to get up. Why couldn't he get up?Matteo has a bad day and can't get out of bed. At least David makes things a little more bearable.





	Stuck

Matteo needed to get up. He knew he needed to get up. He’d been laying here for two hours already and it wasn’t comfortable anymore. It should have been simple. Just scoot to the edge of the bed and get up. Just get up. He needed to get up. Why couldn’t he get up?

His phone buzzed next to him, and he twitched in the direction of the sound. He should pick it up and look at it. Or at least silence it if he was just going to keep ignoring it. He just needed to roll over and grab it, it was within arms reach behind him. He could grab it in his sleep, and often did, so he should be able to just flip over and grab it now. 

He stared at his hands in front of him, one wrist crossed over the other. He could move his fingers. He flexed his wrists. He could move his hands, so he should be able to move the rest of him, right? The phone buzzed behind him again and he squeezed his eyes shut, suddenly overwhelmed. _ For Pete’s sake just move already _!

He opened his eyes again and stared at the door to his room. He could hear Hans’ voice coming from the other side. He’d heard David’s laugh a few minutes ago. They probably thought he was still sleeping. He felt Heavy. Bad Heavy. Good Heavy was tired, comfy, curled up. This was Bad Heavy. Bad Heavy was invisible ropes tethering him to the mattress, trying to pull him through. Bad Heavy was a rod of stone through the center of each limb. Bad Heavy was Matteo feeling so distant and separated from his body yet so so completely bound and attached to it.

It just wasn’t fair and nothing was lining up and he just wanted to Not. Still he could do nothing else as he lay there with the low hum of tension vibrating through his body even though he was lying completely limp. It was noise that he couldn’t hear, buzzing that he couldn’t feel, static that built up and filled his brain even though he was totally aware of what was going on around him. He felt his face scrunch up in frustration and a single tear slid from his eye down to his pillow and that just wasn’t fair, that was really frustrating because he didn’t feel like crying and his eyes didn’t feel like crying but his eyes just did decide to cry a little bit and he really just wanted these things to match up. Because everything about this was a contradiction and he just wanted one thing in his body or brain to follow a normal pattern. One thing. Just one thing like moving when he wanted to move or not feeling tense when his muscles weren’t tense but that stupid all-feeling non-feeling was filling up his body like a balloon and he just felt drained and deflated. He knew there was an entire world out there in the kitchen and everything past the walls of his room was so big and he wanted to be out there even though the entire universe had shrunk down to within these four walls and how was he supposed to be able to go outside the universe? The pressure from nothing grew in his chest and stomach and he just _wanted_. To _get_ _up_. In a burst of frustration, real, actual, solid frustration, he kicked his legs out and flipped over onto his other side, away from the door. The motion felt good, felt true, but then the flare died and he was cemented to the bed again and weighed down by his comforter and the silent invisible buzzing was back and now it felt more like a constant repeated word that didn’t exist but felt like it meant something close to _wrong_. 

He stared out the window. David must have opened the blinds when he got up. The sunlight was nice. The sky was a clear, pleasing shade of blue. Matteo thought for a moment that it would be nice if the inside of his head could be that color, but then couldn’t figure out what he meant by that. He closed his eyes. He could still hear Hans in the kitchen, as well as... footsteps? And the handle of his door turning. David. It had to be, because Hans was still in the kitchen. David paused in the doorway, and Matteo swore he felt a wave pass over him, pushing away some of the heaviness and constant silent sound. He was less pinned, and rolled his head back to look over his shoulder at David. He watched a smile bloom on David’s face.

“Hey sleepy, how long have you been up?”

David was leaning against the doorframe, looking so beautiful Matteo almost wanted to cry. His hair was still messy and he was wearing one of Matteo’s sleep shirts that hung loosely from his shoulders. A beam of light from the window played across his face and the look in his eyes as he gazed at Matteo was so warm and sweet that it made Matteo feel like his heart was about to explode, or implode, or _something_. He shrugged with one shoulder.

David’s brow creased and he pushed himself off the doorframe, still regarding Matteo with warmth but with the sweetness now replaced with tentative concern. “You okay?” He asked softly, moving toward the bed.

Looking at David was like looking at the sun, and Matteo suddenly found he didn’t have the proper energy for it. He dropped his eyes. “I’m having a bad day, I think,” he mumbled. David sat down on the edge of the bed and all at once Matteo was tired. Just Tired. He was so Tired. He fell back onto the pillow, away from David, the Sun, the Best, trying to make some sort of sense of the jumble of emotions with no pronunciation inside him.

Then everything was screaming and his mind was screaming and the non-pronounceable emotion-sounds all shifted into one long string of _ don’tdon’tdon’tdon’tdon’tdon’t _ as his bones tried to evacuate his body down through the mattress because David was touching his arm David was _ touc_hing h_is ar_m and everything was radiating away from that one point and he felt like he should be tense tense tense tense tense because his chest was and his heart was and the place behind his face was but he was still in that same frozen spot like a dropped noodle it wasn’t fair it wasn’t right it wasn’t fair because Matteo _ loved _ when David touched him and he _ loved _ touching David so now why was a single hand on his arm from the boy he _loved_ making him feel like he was about to shred into a million pieces? He tried to keep his breath from coming out differently and tried not to move and tried not to cry and tried not to show and _ tried-- _

David pulled his hand away.

Pure stillness. Matteo’s eyes fluttered as the fires died inside him. He heard David draw his hand across the comforter over the bed instead. 

“Did something set it off?” he asked, and Matteo thought he might die from how gentle David’s voice sounded. 

“No. I don’t know why,” Matteo whispered, voice wavering in the last word before his face contorted, fighting the feeling of Cry that wrapped around his throat like a fist. He pressed back slightly towards David, and after a moment felt a gentle hand on his hip. Matteo’s eyes slid closed and he felt himself melt into the mattress. Instead of the alarm bells and fire from a minute before, he felt a cool wave sweep through him at the contact, sucking out tension that he didn’t realize he was holding. He felt properly limp, and easily defined sadness crept tentatively up from his chest like the tension going away had finally granted it access. He exhaled heavily.

“Anything I can do?” David asked, sounding so careful, always careful, always worried about doing something wrong somehow even though he never did, he never could, how could he not _ know _ this?

Matteo lifted one hand and a moment later felt the bed shift behind him and fingers lace between his. “Can you just stay here a bit?” He murmured, hoping he was able to keep the _ pleasepleasepleaseplease _ out of his voice even though he thought he might stop breathing if David left now.

“Of course I can,” David said softly, not even bothering to climb under the covers as he laid down behind Matteo, pulling himself flush with his back. “As long as you need.”

**Author's Note:**

> In my head Matteo has ADHD and mild or situational depression.  
I hope I captured this well, I don't have depression, so this was based mostly off of the strange executive dysfunction/depression-like mix I experienced last year (make sure your meds are balanced kiddos!) with a bit more of a lean on the depressive side.  
Shoutout to isa from the bfdls for looking this over and making sure it was comprehensible for other readers! Go find her on tumblr at lesbianisakeijser!
> 
> As always, comments are seriously appreciated!


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